To Have Two Under Two
To have two children under two years old was such a whirlwind of a time. I still look back on the time where I had a 22 month old and a 2 month old, and view it as hazy and foggy. Part of me would pay any amount of money to go back to that time, and yet it makes another part of me nervous thinking about what it was really like, even if I knew it was temporary. The emotional highs and emotional lows were both so equally impactful. To have two under two immediately catapulted my perception of my oldest child from a "baby" to a "toddler".
To have two under two meant I became pregnant while still nursing a 12 month old.
To have two under two meant I had two in diapers.
To have two under two meant I had one child receiving milk via the breast and one on the bottle.
To have two under two meant I had two nap schedules and 3 different nap times.
To have two under two meant I had one toddler and one baby, whose brains were growing at a faster pace than they ever will in the future.
To have two under two meant there were many smiles and many tears, each and every day.
To have two under two meant I learned early from my second that I probably hovered and was way too worried (read: paranoid) about my first born's development. I became more confident overnight with the second born.
To have two under two meant that any given point during the day, I was most likely holding at least one child.
To have two under two meant my heart was the most warm and tender it had ever been and probably ever will be.
To have two under two meant my husband and I bonded deeply as co-parents, being vulnerable with one another, and learning tips from one another.
I recently read an experienced two under two mother say, in a tongue-in-cheek way, that she almost faints and blacks out thinking about going back to this time. I know there are times I felt that way, but after writing this article, if I could go back, I would in a heartbeat. The experience was so impermanent and I wish I had been less hard on myself. I wish I had read less books (being totally real here) and trusted my instincts more. I was parenting from a place of insecurity in the beginning and now with the confidence that comes with experience and intuition, I would probably be much different.
If I could only go back and tell myself not to be so scared, not to be so worried about what I was doing was the right thing, I think my time as a parent of two under two would have gone much differently. Not that everything would have been perfect and easy, but that I would have been able to accept everything as it was, and not how I thought it should have been. I take this lesson to heart as I now face new challenges - to peer between my worries and fears for my children, and realize that everything I have ever wanted is already right in front of me, all the time.